Spiral Dragonfly Coaching
Mary's Magical Musings
Asking for Help
6/30/2009
I don't ask for help. I was raised to be self-sufficient. We camped when I was young and I was taught to never pack more than I could carry. I've known that asking for help is a challenge for me for a long time but I just discovered that it is worse than I realized.
I play computer games such as Collapse, Peggle, and Mahjong daily. This is something I do to relax. I don't track my scores. I don't compare my skills with anyone else or even work toward a personal best. I just play AND I realized that my mindset toward the game is totally different than others. I not only don't use the "help" feature because using it would demonstrate "weakness"; I am only vaguely aware of built in features to increase points in the game.
Collapse has bombs that help wipeout more blocks than a player can without the bombs' assistance. However, I was unaware of the fact that the bombs actually helped until it was pointed out by someone watching me play. I assumed that the bombs would cause bad things to happen rather than assist in increasing my score. I still avoid the bombs focusing on identifying the groups of blocks I can remove.
Peggle has orange pegs that the player removes from the playing area. Blue and green pegs offer assistance in the form of added points and guides for aiming the cursor. I focus on removing the orange pegs and am not even aware of the blue and green pegs most of the time. A 6 year old was watching me play and told me to aim for a green peg. He knew the green peg would HELP in winning the game. Even Mahjong has a help feature that I knew nothing about until a child showed it to me.
Some of the issues when asking for help are who to ask, what to ask for, and when it is appropriate to ask. The Dream Coach® process offers guidance for these issues. Clients identify their skills relevant to their dream realistically seeing where they may have gaps. They consider their circle of influence to identify people who have the skills they may need and put together their dream team.
People, especially our friends and acquaintances, WANT to help. They will almost always say yes when you ask for help IF you are clear about what you are asking for. Clarity is the challenge.
It is inappropriate to whine to the assembled masses "Help me". They will have no idea what you want or need. You will not receive any help because they are reluctant to sign up for a task they may be unwilling or unable to complete. On the other hand, if you are specific in your request; "Please attend my office open house next Tuesday from 3-6PM and bring a friend"; they will happily show up and support you. The Dream Coach® process assists in finding that clarity; knowing what you want, who to ask, and how to ask.
I would love to hear from any of you who have challenges asking for help and how you manage that challenge. Please send me an email.
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